Life After Surrogacy



I’ve had quite a few people reach out to me in the past three months to ask about my life after surrogacy. I’ve been asked how I’m doing, do I miss the baby, will I do another journey, etc.

First. Thank you! It means so much to me that you’ve wanted to check on me or have still been interested in my story.

Life after surrogacy has been great. I’ve had absolutely zero feelings of regret or any postpartum issues. As I’ve said from day one, baby R was not my child, and, so, all I feel is a sense of pride and happiness that I played a part in his story. His parents and I keep in contact as time allows. I know how time consuming it is to work and take care of a baby. I do the unexpected pictures or updates, though. They say he is doing wonderfully. He’s healthy, happy and SO very loved. It shows in his pictures and the way they speak of him. It fills my heart with such joy to know their dreams of a family are a reality now.

Physcially, I’m doing really good. I’m still focusing on losing weight and getting back into shape. Once I had R my blood pressure issues completely resolved themselves. Other than my squishy stomach, I tend to forget I had a baby just a few months ago. 😛 Ha!

In the few months since my journey ended, I’ve been a busy woman! My daughter started fourth grade; I left my full time job in retirement planning to go to part time hours and nanny part time so I could have a better balance of work and family time; My partner and I were married on October 18th; We just bought our first home together (we close on the house and move in around Thanksgiving!); and We leave for our honeymoon on November 8th.

To say I’ve been on cloud nine would be an understatement. I feel incredibly blessed and very lucky right now. Our wedding was AMAZING! We planned everything ourselves and couldn’t have hoped for a better day. We were surrounded by twenty of our dearest friends and family members as we said our “I dos” by a lake at local bontanical gardens, and then we had a lunch reception at a restauarant we love.

“So, now what?”

That’s the question most people ask. “Will you do another journey? You were just married. Do you want a baby together?”

Such good questions! They are ones we are discussing together right now.

I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I hope to do another surrogacy journey. There is no other feeling that compares to seeing a couple become parents except for maybe having your own child. It’s an addictive feeling, to be honest. I imagine it’s like completing a marathon. You spend months preparing and training. It challenges you physically, emotionally and mentally. The big day arrives and you give it all  you have and it takes absolutely ALL you have. At the end, you’re exhausted. Your body aches. You wonder how you even did it. BUT, you DID! It’s the biggest high. In order to allow you body the chance to rest and recover after a baby, you need to wait at least six months after a regular delivery. I will be six months postpartum in January, so I have a few months still to decide the WHEN of another surrogacy, since the IF isn’t really a question for me.

That leaves the question: Will we try for our own baby?

Honestly, we’re not sure. Going into surrogacy, we felt our family was complete. My daughter, P, was eight, almost nine. She’s been the only child for nine years. I’m nearly a decade older than I was when I had her. That’s a lot to change. A big factor in deciding that our family felt complete was also the fact that “gay marriage” wasn’t legal in our state at the time I started my surrogacy journey. I knew I didn’t want to bring another child in our family that wouldn’t have the legal protections that marriage offers a child. I didn’t think it would be fair to the child or to my partner.

Then, June happened, and marriage equality became the reality of our country. It caused us to reconsider the topic of family size.

We’re currently discussing our options. It’s not as simple as, “Let’s make a baby!” for a gay or lesbian couple. Straight couples decide to have a baby, and that is that. Assuming they have no fertility issues, it’s just a matter of timing and practice.  That’s, obviously, not the case for us. There’s a lot more involved and that makes the decision something to even more carefully think about. (Please know I realize this isn’t the case for the MANY couples who struggle with infertility or other complciations that make conceiving hard or impossible. I mean this strictly as a comparison between uncomplicated straight couples and that of non-straight couples)

When we make our decision, I will likely blog about it either privately or publicly. I found blogging to be such a good way to keep track of everything, share with others and learn from others. That’s another decision to be made at a later time, though. For now, we’re preparing to leave for our honeymoon cruise and move into our new home. What an amazing year 2015 has been!

I’m really enjoying continuing to follow so many of your blogs and journeys. I love reading about the progress you are making towards your own babies or babies for others and the other incredible things going on in your lives. ❤

Many have you have asked to see pictures from our wedding, so I will upload those in a seperate post after this for easier viewing.





5 responses »

  1. Thank you for writing this post! It is so nice to hear your thoughts on everything now that the dust has settled. I had been wanting to ask these same questions but figured you were already getting a lot of them!

    Firstly, Congratulations!! I can’t tell you how thrilled I am for you that you were finally able to get married. When I heard the news in June, it meant so much to me to know that our youngest generation will grow up in a country where this is the norm.

    Secondly, I completely understand what you’re saying about you & your wife having more obstacles when it comes to deciding to have a child. It is actually something I have thought about a lot as we’ve struggled over the years. For gay couples, intervention/a third party is automatically necessary. I know it’s a lot to think about, but I will be looking to hear about what you guys decide in the future.

    I’ve also been wondering if you have any suggestions as to what we can do for Elle to help make the transition as easy as possible for her? It’s something I’ve started thinking about as we get closer to January. Obviously we plan to keep in touch, but we will have to leave within a couple days of the birth, and I feel like it will be tough for both of us– but especially for her since we will have the distraction of the baby.

    And one last thing– is baby R a dual citizen? I was just curious as to how that all works for international IPs. 🙂

    Enjoy your honeymoon!!

    • Oh my goodness. I wrote out a reply to this and just new see it never posted. So sorry!

      Yes, baby R is a dual citizen. Isn’t that cool? He’s American by birth (and egg donor) and French by blood from his bio dad. I wonder if he will want to visit when he’s older? It’s neat to think about.

      As for Elle, it really wasn’t as hard for me to adjust to life with a belly buddy as you might expect. I know it varies from one person to the next. I think the absolute best thing is just to message her once and a while as you feel comfortable even if it’s just a picture. I know for me, the hardest adjustment part was going from having this big “project” to being done. Pictures are always so great. Not just of the baby, but you guys or family with baby. Those would be my favorite. It’s seeing the big picture of what you helped be a part of. I know a lot of surrogates have also enjoyed “little happies” from their IPs…. A new book, or a little bath and body set to pamper herself, or a gift card for a meal. Those are never required or expected, but just the thought that someone is still thinking of you after the “job” is done really means a lot.

      I can’t wait until your little one is here! I hope there will be a birth story and maybe some pictures to share with us. ❤

  2. Thanks for the update- I love reading whats going on with you. It sounds like things are falling into place with everything in your life right now and that is great. You deserve it and all happiness that comes your way. Glad bubs is happy and healthy and IF’s are enjoying their time being daddies. Keep blogging, its awesome xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s