Wow! It’s been a month since my last update. When I started this blog I vowed to myself that I would ALWAYS post regularly. Fast forward to this past month and things were crazy and my blog suffered. So, let’s get all caught up.
TMI WARNING: The following gets a little personal, so you can skip ahead if that stuff bothers you.
Around the 18 week mark I had a scare. It was evening and I was folding clothes in the bedroom. All of a sudden I felt a dampness between my thighs. I thought I must have somehow peed myself a little. That had happened once or twice (very small amount) when I had sneezed too hard or laughed too much. Oh the untold joys of pregnancy!
I went to the bathroom to clean up and when I removed my pajama shorts my heart dropped. My panties were soaked with bright red blood. I couldn’t breath for a moment because of the feeling of panic gripping my chest. I took a few deep, calming breaths and got myself cleaned up. I put a pad in my panties and went to lay down and call my doctor’s after hours service.
I left my message with the service and waited for my call back. I also immediately messaged Samantha (our interpreter/friend/surrogacy helper extraordinaire) to get her input. She was a great source of calm and we talked through things.
I wasn’t experiencing any pain, nor had I at any point… no cramping or aches. Good signs we thought. I laid in the bed on my side, very still, and waited for the doctor’s call back. The entire time my brain was going crazy. What could this mean? Was I miscarrying? How could that be possible? Everything had been perfect and uneventful so far. I had just seen the baby on an ultrasound a few short weeks ago.
I rubbed my stomach and talked to the baby. I told him he needed to be growing big and strong in there for his daddies… that he had so many people who already loved him and couldn’t wait to meet him.
A short while later, though it seemed like hours, the doctor called me and we talked it all through. She asked me questions about my symptoms such as amount, color and texture of the bleeding, any heavy lifting recently (of course not!), feeling any pressure at all in my uterus, etc.
We were in the middle of a “winter storm”, so she didn’t think driving to the hospital would have any benefit at that time and would just create undue risk. Based on our conversation of the symptoms, she advised me to continue laying down, drink as much water as possible and monitor my bleeding. She said if I started feeling any pain or pressure or bled through a pad in less than an hour to call her right back. Otherwise, she’d see me at her office for an exam and ultrasound the next day.
I didn’t get much sleep that night. I tossed and turned and worried. I got up every hour to check if I was bleeding. I was scared. How would I ever tell my IFs if something was wrong? This was their dream. Their perfect little baby boy. How could we get this far and then something be wrong? It didn’t seem fair or possible. I cried a little and prayed a lot. Samantha and I decided to wait until the appointment before we talked to the guys. We didn’t think it would benefit anyone to worry them before we knew anything concrete.
The bleeding subsided after a few hours and by morning there was just a little bit of blood when I wiped and it looked like it was leftover from the night and not fresh.
I breathed a little easier, but I was still terrified. I counted the minutes until I could go to my appointment.
Sitting in the waiting room, I watched the hands tick by on the clock. Finally, my name was called. I sat in the exam room and waited for the doctor. After a short wait she came in and we talked it all over and then she had me get up on the exam table so she could use the Doppler to listen for a heartbeat.
I held my breath and said a quick prayer. Then, I waited. She spread some gel on my abdomen and moved the monitor thing around. 1 second. 2 seconds. 3 seconds. Please, be okay. Please, be there.
Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat.
Oh, thank God!
There it was. That precious, perfect heart beat. It was beating away just like it should be. A few tears slid down my cheeks. I finally breathed.
Next came an ultrasound. Everything looked fantastic! The baby was measuring right where he should be (a day ahead still, actually). The placenta looked healthy and no issues. Basically, everything looked picture perfect normal.
I felt the biggest wave of relief wash over me.
The doctor looked over everything and agreed that there was nothing to be found wrong. She told me that sometimes this just happens. It could just be hormonal fluctuations or a broken capillary due to the increased blood volume down there. Whatever the cause, the baby, my uterus and cervix all looked very strong and healthy. She told me to take it easy (pelvic rest, no exercising, etc.) and would see me back in two week instead of four to recheck that everything was still fine. Also, if I had any more bleeding or any pains to call her right away.
I messaged my IFs to let them know what was going on and assure them everything was still just fine. It was such a relief to be able to have a positive report to go along with the scare. I can’t even think about what I would have done if it had gone otherwise.
I spent the next two weeks taking it very easy. I worked from home so that I didn’t even have to make the drive to work. It was a wonderfully boring two weeks with no more bleeding.
The follow up appointment fell right at 20 weeks so they went ahead and did the anatomy scan at the same time. There was my little French belly buddy wiggling around in my tummy! He was perfection, as always. They measured and looked at his heart, brain, spine and all those other good bits. Everything was right where it should be and looked healthy and complete. Hooray! I happen to think he has the most gorgeous brain ever and I love his little profile. I’m convinced he’ll be smart and handsome like his proud daddies. 🙂
So that’s been my crazy month. Today I hit twenty-one weeks, so we’re officially past the halfway point. 🙂 🙂 🙂
The guys have been busy preparing their son’s room. I loved seeing pictures of it. It’s absolutely adorable and I know this little belly buddy is going to LOVE it when he gets older. It’s bright, happy and fun, just what I imagine his life will be like.