Tag Archives: case manager

I’m Offically Un-Matched :-/

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WhyAll weekend I tried to stay positive. All weekend I had a nagging feeling that something was wrong. I anxiously awaited the call from my case manager, Jill, scheduled for Tuesday morning following the Labor Day Holiday to see what our revised timeline looked like.

The call finally came.

When I hung up the phone I sat on my bed in shock. I was left with a dozen different emotions whirling around inside me. Confused. Upset. Sad. Anxious. So many emotions all at one time that I never saw coming.

Jill broke the news that my IPs had made a decision NOT to go forward with surrogacy at this time.

She said she honestly wasn’t sure why they made this decision so, unfortunately, she wasn’t able to offer me any type of closure or explanation. She was as surprised by it as I was because they had seemed excited and eager for our journey to be in motion based on her interactions with them.

This information caught me completely off guard. I kept thinking back on our Skype meeting and picturing their smiling faces. They had seemed so eager, so motivated, so excited to get this process going to the next step and have their precious baby.

Did I somehow miss something?

Was there some sign I missed? Hesitation in their eyes? A too-bright smile? An overly enthusiastic attitude? The unexplained ending of my journey with them makes this even harder. Did it end up being too big of a financial burden? Were they too afraid to risk their last embryo right now? Is someone sick? Is their marriage facing problems? Are they moving? I guess I’ll never know.

I do know this: I with them nothing but the absolute best. They seemed like such good, kind people and I hope the ending of our journey together is the result of a positive, happy change in their life.

So, where does all this leave me?

Jill said the the Directors at my agency were already working to find me new potential IPs to meet and be matched with. She was encouraging in her positive attitude. She said she felt confident I would be matched again quickly. We both hope she will get to continue to be my case manager.

While this unexpected “bump in the road” of my journey knocked the wind out of my sails, it will not keep me down. I still believe with my whole heart this is the path I’m meant to be on. I will continue to trust the process and have faith the “right” IPs will come along.

I received such an outpouring of encouragement and support from my amazing Instagram “surro family,” for which I’m extremely grateful. Thank you to everyone who’s shared an uplifting comment or a personal experience with me already.  It helps to know others have been where I am and were able to move forward and help a different family than they first envisioned.

Now, I wait again. Fingers crossed A or D will reach out to me soon with a new family to meet!

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How Do I Get from Here to There?

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its-worth-the-wait_thumbI had a great first chat with my case manager, Jill, yesterday! She is beyond friendly and I feel very fortunate to have her as my case manager for this journey. She will be my main point of contact throughout the process, so I am sure I will be spending a lot of time talking to her. 🙂

The main thing we went over was the timeline for the next steps in my surro journey to get me from here to baby! I have mixed emotions about the timeline. On the one hand, it’s super exciting to know what’s next, but it’s also a little disappointing to know each step takes so long. The best way to describe it is that it’s like going on the most amazing trip of your life. You have the road map in front of you and it’s thrilling to see each stop on the way to your destination, but it’s also daunting to see the number of miles between each of these stops.

I’ve been reminding myself that it’s worth the wait and also trying to remember to put myself in my IPs’ shoes… they’ve been waiting so much longer than I have!

Basic Timeline::

  • The IPs fertility center has my records for review and will contact me with any questions or additional information they may need. Once finished, my Med Screening appointment will be scheduled. (3-8 weeks)
  • Depending how the Med Screening goes, I may have to do a “Mock Cycle“. (3-4 weeks)
  • Once results from all that are back, we can move on to legal and do the contracts. (6 weeks to 2 months)
  • After legal, I’ll receive my Med Calender and start meds (4 to 6 weeks)
  • Transfer!

So, for now, I’m waiting oh so (not) patiently to hear from the fertility clinic. Surro friends, what did you do while you waited for your Med Screening appointment? I’m trying to eat extra healthy, stay more active (exercise!) and take a good multivitamin. I figure the healthier I am going in to this the more prepared I’ll already be! 🙂

Moving Forward & Feeling Offical!

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indexI received an awesome e-mail from a case manager at my agency last night!

Jill introduced herself to me and told me she would be my case manager through my surrogacy journey. I’ve had a wonderful experience with everyone I’ve talked to at my agency, but it was exciting to finally have my own designated case manager. It made it feel very official! 🙂

She sent me several documents to review and/or complete and return such as my escrow information, release form for fertility center, W-9, etc. I fired those straight back to her this morning.

J and I are going to have a Skype or phone session next week to “meet” and go over the next steps.

I believe all I’m waiting on now is the escrow account to be set up and then they’ll be able to facilitate my medical screening appointment with my IPs’ fertility clinic!!!

In the meantime, my own little family is heading to the beach for a few days. It’s been a very long summer and I think this mini-vacation will be a great chance to relax and reconnect before all of the craziness of school and surrogacy really kick in! 🙂

I like you! Do you like me?

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A few days after “A” and I spoke about the IPs who were interested in me, she e-mailed me to finalize plans for our Skype meeting. The e-mail came on Monday and the Skype call was set for Wednesday… that meant I had roughly 48 hours to finalize my list of questions and plenty of time to be nervous and excited!

I don’t think I slept more than a few hours both nights. My brain just wouldn’t get quiet!

Wednesday arrived and I rushed home to freshen up and get ready for the call. I made my partner change shirts. Twice. First impressions matter, right?!? 🙂

We logged on to Skype and awaited the call. “A” messaged me to let me know the IPs were running a little behind. I was thankful for a few extra minutes to calm my nerves.

The call connected and there on my computer screen were two nervously smiling faces. It felt like a blind date. We had all of the same emotions I imagine. Anxious. Hopeful. Scared. Nervous. Excited. Hoping to make a good impression. Wanting to be liked… to be chosen.

They had an advantage over me in that they’d already had access to my full profile so they knew a lot more about me (and my partner) then I did about them. It was a humbling feeling to know this couple had read all about me and were interested in me carrying their child. I wish I was also allowed access to the profile. It would be fascinating to see what exactly it says about me!

After the initial introductions, “A” did a great job of leading us in conversation. We started off with the basics: Jobs, families, hobbies. It was a good ice breaker for all involved. I could feel nerves subsiding somewhat.

Then we moved on to the harder topics: Selective Reduction, desired involvement/communication throughout and after surrogacy, expectations, thoughts on labor, etc. A lot of these topics ended up being  “none issues” for us because the IPs will only be able to transfer one embryo.

By the end of the conversation I knew in my heart that these were the people I wanted to help. Their story tugged  at my heart. They had faced such difficulties to try and create and then build their family. Despite all of those struggles, they appeared to be so full of hope and positive energy.

They were kind, down to earth, funny and just seemed like genuinely good people. I felt a strong connection to them and it seemed mutual.

“A” told us she would reach out to us both in 24 hours so we each had time to discuss and think about it with our partner/spouse and make a decision. We ended the call and my excitement and nerves were back in full force.

I immediately e-mailed “A” and told her I knew I had to wait 24 hours but that I LOVED the couple and wanted to be their surrogate if they chose me. She said she felt confident they would but that we would wait the 24 hours and then make our final decision.

I didn’t sleep that night except for a few hours on and off. I kept thinking about all of the things I wished I’d said or said differently or didn’t say at all. I had a million thoughts running through my head and was feeling such emotion.

For years I’ve known this was something I wanted, but after that call it became real. I’d actually “met” people who I might be helping. There were faces and names and details that colored in all of the vague mental pictures I’d had of surrogacy.

Prior to this experience with them, I’d spent a lot of time thinking about what surrogacy meant for a surrogate. The physical, mental and emotional toll it takes on a GS. The time investment it requires. The shots and medicine you take. I’d thought about it all.

Of course, I’d also thought about the IPs. That’s why I wanted to be a GS. To help them. To contribute to their family. To give other what I was blessed to be able to have so easily.

But, I hadn’t really THOUGHT about them. It occurred to me during our conversation how frightening it must be for them. I stress and worry when my daughter is with a new sitter for a few hours. What must it feel like to have to trust someone who is essentially a stranger with your baby for nine months? What courage and hope and faith and LOVE that must take.

That realization was very powerful for me. It made this journey I am on seem like even more of a miracle in the making. I desperately hoped that I could be the one to try and bring their dreams to life. repay you quote

The day after our Skype session I checked my e-mail religiously as I waited for a response from “A”. Finally, FINALLY I got an e-mail from her just as I was packing up to leave work.

It said: “[IM] and [IF] absolutely loved you and [my partner] and definitely want to work with you!  They are anxious to get things going as soon as possible.  Are you on board??”

I e-mail her right back and said, “Yes, yes, YES!!!…” 🙂

So, I’m officially matched now! It’s a very surreal feeling. Less than three months ago I submitted that first preliminary application and now I’m matched with an amazing couple.

There’s still a lot that has to be done before we actually (hopefully) get to the “fun” part. Legal contracts. Medical screenings. Medicines and blood work and the dreaded shots! I’m ready for it all, though, now that I know who this is all going to be for.worth it quote

I’m eagerly awaiting word back from “A” on where we go from here. I especially can’t wait to get to know the IPs better! 🙂

How did you feel about your IPs after that first meeting? Tell me about it in the comments!

READY TO MATCH!!!

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Quick update, I just got the following e-mail from K (the case manager who did my home visit) :

“Just an update, I have done a last audit of your profile and everything is in order and looking great!  We have all of your documents and records.  I have moved your status to “Active” and let A and D know that you are ready to be matched….”

I am over the moon!!! Now time to anxiously await hearing from A or D about matches for me. 🙂