Tag Archives: families

Life After Surrogacy

Standard

dfe6bdb5724c5ffe8d4457b73635b673

I’ve had quite a few people reach out to me in the past three months to ask about my life after surrogacy. I’ve been asked how I’m doing, do I miss the baby, will I do another journey, etc.

First. Thank you! It means so much to me that you’ve wanted to check on me or have still been interested in my story.

Life after surrogacy has been great. I’ve had absolutely zero feelings of regret or any postpartum issues. As I’ve said from day one, baby R was not my child, and, so, all I feel is a sense of pride and happiness that I played a part in his story. His parents and I keep in contact as time allows. I know how time consuming it is to work and take care of a baby. I do the unexpected pictures or updates, though. They say he is doing wonderfully. He’s healthy, happy and SO very loved. It shows in his pictures and the way they speak of him. It fills my heart with such joy to know their dreams of a family are a reality now.

Physcially, I’m doing really good. I’m still focusing on losing weight and getting back into shape. Once I had R my blood pressure issues completely resolved themselves. Other than my squishy stomach, I tend to forget I had a baby just a few months ago. 😛 Ha!

In the few months since my journey ended, I’ve been a busy woman! My daughter started fourth grade; I left my full time job in retirement planning to go to part time hours and nanny part time so I could have a better balance of work and family time; My partner and I were married on October 18th; We just bought our first home together (we close on the house and move in around Thanksgiving!); and We leave for our honeymoon on November 8th.

To say I’ve been on cloud nine would be an understatement. I feel incredibly blessed and very lucky right now. Our wedding was AMAZING! We planned everything ourselves and couldn’t have hoped for a better day. We were surrounded by twenty of our dearest friends and family members as we said our “I dos” by a lake at local bontanical gardens, and then we had a lunch reception at a restauarant we love.

“So, now what?”

That’s the question most people ask. “Will you do another journey? You were just married. Do you want a baby together?”

Such good questions! They are ones we are discussing together right now.

I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I hope to do another surrogacy journey. There is no other feeling that compares to seeing a couple become parents except for maybe having your own child. It’s an addictive feeling, to be honest. I imagine it’s like completing a marathon. You spend months preparing and training. It challenges you physically, emotionally and mentally. The big day arrives and you give it all  you have and it takes absolutely ALL you have. At the end, you’re exhausted. Your body aches. You wonder how you even did it. BUT, you DID! It’s the biggest high. In order to allow you body the chance to rest and recover after a baby, you need to wait at least six months after a regular delivery. I will be six months postpartum in January, so I have a few months still to decide the WHEN of another surrogacy, since the IF isn’t really a question for me.

That leaves the question: Will we try for our own baby?

Honestly, we’re not sure. Going into surrogacy, we felt our family was complete. My daughter, P, was eight, almost nine. She’s been the only child for nine years. I’m nearly a decade older than I was when I had her. That’s a lot to change. A big factor in deciding that our family felt complete was also the fact that “gay marriage” wasn’t legal in our state at the time I started my surrogacy journey. I knew I didn’t want to bring another child in our family that wouldn’t have the legal protections that marriage offers a child. I didn’t think it would be fair to the child or to my partner.

Then, June happened, and marriage equality became the reality of our country. It caused us to reconsider the topic of family size.

We’re currently discussing our options. It’s not as simple as, “Let’s make a baby!” for a gay or lesbian couple. Straight couples decide to have a baby, and that is that. Assuming they have no fertility issues, it’s just a matter of timing and practice.  That’s, obviously, not the case for us. There’s a lot more involved and that makes the decision something to even more carefully think about. (Please know I realize this isn’t the case for the MANY couples who struggle with infertility or other complciations that make conceiving hard or impossible. I mean this strictly as a comparison between uncomplicated straight couples and that of non-straight couples)

When we make our decision, I will likely blog about it either privately or publicly. I found blogging to be such a good way to keep track of everything, share with others and learn from others. That’s another decision to be made at a later time, though. For now, we’re preparing to leave for our honeymoon cruise and move into our new home. What an amazing year 2015 has been!

I’m really enjoying continuing to follow so many of your blogs and journeys. I love reading about the progress you are making towards your own babies or babies for others and the other incredible things going on in your lives. ❤

Many have you have asked to see pictures from our wedding, so I will upload those in a seperate post after this for easier viewing.