Tag Archives: getting matched

Sweet Jealousy & the Waiting Game

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Jealousy

I’m not usually a jealous person. Okay, sure, sometimes I do envy Carrie Underwood’s amazing legs…. and I MAY have been known to covet my sister’s wardrobe a time or two… BUT, in general, I am a very content person. I am blessed with so many wonderful people and things in my life.

Still, since my match fell through, I’ve found that little green monster trying to creep into my thoughts.

I see others posting about their upcoming match meetings then a few days later exuberant over a match, and I feel a twinge of jealousy. Why not me? Where’s my perfect match? This really is a VERY quick twinge. It’s almost immediately replaced by complete happiness for them. I genuinely want all of my surro sisters to have an amazing journey. It also made me stop and think about how my own postings about my first quick match might have left others with a visit from the green monster.

A friend reminded me this week that the quickest match isn’t always the best match.

I’m striving to focus on those words this week while I wait, (not too) patiently for word from my agency about parents. Throughout my time with the agency, they continue to be amazing. Jill has been just an email away and empathetic to my feelings. I just have to continue to believe that this journey will get going when the time is right.

In the mean time, we are staying busy with school, work and church. I was just promoted at work and am now enjoying a raise (yay!). I have to send a copy of my new paystubs to the agency as soon as I get them so my file can be updated. My kiddo is LOVING third grade. It’s a big change from second grade, but her teacher is wonderful and they do lots of projects and educational trips, which is perfect for Miss P.

I’m also enjoying the things I won’t be able to when I (hopefully) am able to carry for IPs… sushi is a favorite and so is strawberry and spinach salads with bleu cheese. Yummy! 🙂

What “off limits while pregnant” foods do you miss the most?

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I’m Offically Un-Matched :-/

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WhyAll weekend I tried to stay positive. All weekend I had a nagging feeling that something was wrong. I anxiously awaited the call from my case manager, Jill, scheduled for Tuesday morning following the Labor Day Holiday to see what our revised timeline looked like.

The call finally came.

When I hung up the phone I sat on my bed in shock. I was left with a dozen different emotions whirling around inside me. Confused. Upset. Sad. Anxious. So many emotions all at one time that I never saw coming.

Jill broke the news that my IPs had made a decision NOT to go forward with surrogacy at this time.

She said she honestly wasn’t sure why they made this decision so, unfortunately, she wasn’t able to offer me any type of closure or explanation. She was as surprised by it as I was because they had seemed excited and eager for our journey to be in motion based on her interactions with them.

This information caught me completely off guard. I kept thinking back on our Skype meeting and picturing their smiling faces. They had seemed so eager, so motivated, so excited to get this process going to the next step and have their precious baby.

Did I somehow miss something?

Was there some sign I missed? Hesitation in their eyes? A too-bright smile? An overly enthusiastic attitude? The unexplained ending of my journey with them makes this even harder. Did it end up being too big of a financial burden? Were they too afraid to risk their last embryo right now? Is someone sick? Is their marriage facing problems? Are they moving? I guess I’ll never know.

I do know this: I with them nothing but the absolute best. They seemed like such good, kind people and I hope the ending of our journey together is the result of a positive, happy change in their life.

So, where does all this leave me?

Jill said the the Directors at my agency were already working to find me new potential IPs to meet and be matched with. She was encouraging in her positive attitude. She said she felt confident I would be matched again quickly. We both hope she will get to continue to be my case manager.

While this unexpected “bump in the road” of my journey knocked the wind out of my sails, it will not keep me down. I still believe with my whole heart this is the path I’m meant to be on. I will continue to trust the process and have faith the “right” IPs will come along.

I received such an outpouring of encouragement and support from my amazing Instagram “surro family,” for which I’m extremely grateful. Thank you to everyone who’s shared an uplifting comment or a personal experience with me already.  It helps to know others have been where I am and were able to move forward and help a different family than they first envisioned.

Now, I wait again. Fingers crossed A or D will reach out to me soon with a new family to meet!

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I like you! Do you like me?

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A few days after “A” and I spoke about the IPs who were interested in me, she e-mailed me to finalize plans for our Skype meeting. The e-mail came on Monday and the Skype call was set for Wednesday… that meant I had roughly 48 hours to finalize my list of questions and plenty of time to be nervous and excited!

I don’t think I slept more than a few hours both nights. My brain just wouldn’t get quiet!

Wednesday arrived and I rushed home to freshen up and get ready for the call. I made my partner change shirts. Twice. First impressions matter, right?!? 🙂

We logged on to Skype and awaited the call. “A” messaged me to let me know the IPs were running a little behind. I was thankful for a few extra minutes to calm my nerves.

The call connected and there on my computer screen were two nervously smiling faces. It felt like a blind date. We had all of the same emotions I imagine. Anxious. Hopeful. Scared. Nervous. Excited. Hoping to make a good impression. Wanting to be liked… to be chosen.

They had an advantage over me in that they’d already had access to my full profile so they knew a lot more about me (and my partner) then I did about them. It was a humbling feeling to know this couple had read all about me and were interested in me carrying their child. I wish I was also allowed access to the profile. It would be fascinating to see what exactly it says about me!

After the initial introductions, “A” did a great job of leading us in conversation. We started off with the basics: Jobs, families, hobbies. It was a good ice breaker for all involved. I could feel nerves subsiding somewhat.

Then we moved on to the harder topics: Selective Reduction, desired involvement/communication throughout and after surrogacy, expectations, thoughts on labor, etc. A lot of these topics ended up being  “none issues” for us because the IPs will only be able to transfer one embryo.

By the end of the conversation I knew in my heart that these were the people I wanted to help. Their story tugged  at my heart. They had faced such difficulties to try and create and then build their family. Despite all of those struggles, they appeared to be so full of hope and positive energy.

They were kind, down to earth, funny and just seemed like genuinely good people. I felt a strong connection to them and it seemed mutual.

“A” told us she would reach out to us both in 24 hours so we each had time to discuss and think about it with our partner/spouse and make a decision. We ended the call and my excitement and nerves were back in full force.

I immediately e-mailed “A” and told her I knew I had to wait 24 hours but that I LOVED the couple and wanted to be their surrogate if they chose me. She said she felt confident they would but that we would wait the 24 hours and then make our final decision.

I didn’t sleep that night except for a few hours on and off. I kept thinking about all of the things I wished I’d said or said differently or didn’t say at all. I had a million thoughts running through my head and was feeling such emotion.

For years I’ve known this was something I wanted, but after that call it became real. I’d actually “met” people who I might be helping. There were faces and names and details that colored in all of the vague mental pictures I’d had of surrogacy.

Prior to this experience with them, I’d spent a lot of time thinking about what surrogacy meant for a surrogate. The physical, mental and emotional toll it takes on a GS. The time investment it requires. The shots and medicine you take. I’d thought about it all.

Of course, I’d also thought about the IPs. That’s why I wanted to be a GS. To help them. To contribute to their family. To give other what I was blessed to be able to have so easily.

But, I hadn’t really THOUGHT about them. It occurred to me during our conversation how frightening it must be for them. I stress and worry when my daughter is with a new sitter for a few hours. What must it feel like to have to trust someone who is essentially a stranger with your baby for nine months? What courage and hope and faith and LOVE that must take.

That realization was very powerful for me. It made this journey I am on seem like even more of a miracle in the making. I desperately hoped that I could be the one to try and bring their dreams to life. repay you quote

The day after our Skype session I checked my e-mail religiously as I waited for a response from “A”. Finally, FINALLY I got an e-mail from her just as I was packing up to leave work.

It said: “[IM] and [IF] absolutely loved you and [my partner] and definitely want to work with you!  They are anxious to get things going as soon as possible.  Are you on board??”

I e-mail her right back and said, “Yes, yes, YES!!!…” 🙂

So, I’m officially matched now! It’s a very surreal feeling. Less than three months ago I submitted that first preliminary application and now I’m matched with an amazing couple.

There’s still a lot that has to be done before we actually (hopefully) get to the “fun” part. Legal contracts. Medical screenings. Medicines and blood work and the dreaded shots! I’m ready for it all, though, now that I know who this is all going to be for.worth it quote

I’m eagerly awaiting word back from “A” on where we go from here. I especially can’t wait to get to know the IPs better! 🙂

How did you feel about your IPs after that first meeting? Tell me about it in the comments!

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match!

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Have you seen the 1971 musical Fiddler on the Roof?

No? Why not?!? You’re missing a classic! That point aside, there’s a song in it about a matchmaker making (marriage) matches for the characters in the movie. Part of it goes:

“Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match, Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match”

Now, why am I telling you this? Because, I got a call about a possible MATCH today! 🙂 The song has been in my head ever since then and I think it’s very fitting.

Granted, I’m not looking for a marriage match, but it still seemed really perfect because I’d been waiting impatiently for seven long days to hear about a match.

I’ve heard it can sometimes take take a while to find a good match between IPs and the GS. With that in mind, I really wasn’t expecting to hear back so soon from Alicia, who is one of the directors at my agency. Today only marked exactly one week since my profile went active.

“A” said the couple she was calling about LOVED my profile and were very interested in working with me. They live in the Southeast like me. I won’t share too many other personal details, especially at this point, for privacy reasons. I will say that they sound awesome and I’m excited to learn more about them!

One part of my surrogacy profile with my agency talks about my pregnancy experience with own child(ren). It’s sort of an informal “get to know me” section for the IPs. One of the things it asked about was my pregnancy cravings and I said I really only craved OJ, BBQ Pringles and peanut butter M&Ms. Well, apparently the IPs are also crazy about all things peanut related! So I guess there were excited and thought this was a sign or something. 🙂  mnms

A and I talked about my schedule next week and she will be calling back soon with a date and time for her to facilitate a Skype meeting between me, my partner and the IPs.

I’m trying not to get too excited in case for some reason the match doesn’t end up working out, but it’s REALLY hard not to be ecstatic!

Any tips or words of advice for the session? Things I should definitely ask? Help a Surro out! 🙂

READY TO MATCH!!!

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yay

Quick update, I just got the following e-mail from K (the case manager who did my home visit) :

“Just an update, I have done a last audit of your profile and everything is in order and looking great!  We have all of your documents and records.  I have moved your status to “Active” and let A and D know that you are ready to be matched….”

I am over the moon!!! Now time to anxiously await hearing from A or D about matches for me. 🙂